Josh Harris, in many ways, started a new movement for many young Christians that is referred to as "courtship." His first book, Boy Meets Girl, prompted the movement and now any Google search on "Christian Courtship" or "Biblical Courtship" will likely result in 100,000 hits. Of course, this idea has really been around for a long time (just not so much lately).
I went to a public high school and I started "dating" when I was 15. I was an average teen & had "normal" dating experiences. Then in college, I met my husband, who early on insisted we were not dating and that we should pray about whether or not we should marry. Huh? Pray about marriage after just meeting? I thought we could just do dinner and a movie.
I say all that to make the point that I did do things the "normal" way, and without a doubt I look back with regrets and I see how each relationship impacted my life and my perspective on men and "love." Then there's the most important matter of how much was I glorifying God while dating?
So after marriage babies and Seminary, I came across Josh Harris and read what he had to say about dating, or rather NOT dating.
Here are some portions of a summary by Tim Grissom:
"I do not believe that dating is sinful," writes Joshus Harris. "I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants-- it's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available." The real message of I Kissed Dating Goodbye is about a maturing relationship with God.
Most kids grow up thinking that dating is an essential part of being a teenager...Even those who make it through the junior high and senior high years with their sexual purity intact will often emerge with damaged emotions, bitterness, and cynicism.
Josh Harris offers a solution-- something he calls smart love. Smart love begins with the desire for God's best, and by default, requires a knowledge of and a willingness to obey God's rules. Smart love is revolutionary; its object is God and others, never self. Smart love is sincere, God focused love that is concerned for others. Dumb love, on the other hand, is self-centered and flirtatious.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye is not just about sexual purity; it scrutinizes the whole course of friendship, courtship, romance, engagement and marriage. Harris argues that dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily commitment; tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship; often mistakes a physical relationship for love; often isolates a couple from other vital relationships; in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future; can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness; and creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.
...We must stop abusing the word love. Our meaning is far below God's, yet it is His blessing we want and his best we pursue. Understanding what God calls love is our first step. "Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives." Man's view of love contains several notions that are contrary to God's, and should therefore be contrary to the way we pursue love, especially love in the deepest and most intimate of human relationships. We must reject the philosophy of love that holds comfort of self as its chief and, reduces love to a mere feeling, and believes that love is beyond control. According to God's Word: love seeks first the good of others, must not be measured by feelings, and is capable of being controlled responsibly.
If a young man or lady is not prepared to seriously consider a lifelong commitment, he is better off to avoid monopolizing another person's affections and isolating himself from other valuable friendships. Why not rather enjoy the season of singleness as a gift from God? After all, singleness brings opportunities in life that may never come around again.
There is a lot more that could be said about this book, but hopefully you get the idea.
