DaTiNg ThEsE dAyS...

At our last Women's Group meeting, in a small group, we began talking about dating and the drama of girls (for those with sons) and rules when your kids are dating, etc. I didn't volunteer too much then because there was not much time to delve deeper and because these ideas are definitely not conventional thought. Sometimes people have the perception that we are the "Preacher's family" so that accounts for some levels of extreme, and also because we have young children, we cannot offer real advice with any authority because we haven't "been there." The former is not true (we are all called to the same level of faithfulness and extreme living). The latter has some truth in it, although I can aim for an idea and share our ideas and our plans. Having said all that, this is simply something worth thinking about.

Josh Harris, in many ways, started a new movement for many young Christians that is referred to as "courtship." His first book, Boy Meets Girl, prompted the movement and now any Google search on "Christian Courtship" or "Biblical Courtship" will likely result in 100,000 hits. Of course, this idea has really been around for a long time (just not so much lately).

I went to a public high school and I started "dating" when I was 15. I was an average teen & had "normal" dating experiences. Then in college, I met my husband, who early on insisted we were not dating and that we should pray about whether or not we should marry. Huh? Pray about marriage after just meeting? I thought we could just do dinner and a movie.

I say all that to make the point that I did do things the "normal" way, and without a doubt I look back with regrets and I see how each relationship impacted my life and my perspective on men and "love." Then there's the most important matter of how much was I glorifying God while dating?

So after marriage babies and Seminary, I came across Josh Harris and read what he had to say about dating, or rather NOT dating.

Here are some portions of a summary by Tim Grissom:

"I do not believe that dating is sinful," writes Joshus Harris. "I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants-- it's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available." The real message of I Kissed Dating Goodbye is about a maturing relationship with God.

Most kids grow up thinking that dating is an essential part of being a teenager...Even those who make it through the junior high and senior high years with their sexual purity intact will often emerge with damaged emotions, bitterness, and cynicism.

Josh Harris offers a solution-- something he calls smart love. Smart love begins with the desire for God's best, and by default, requires a knowledge of and a willingness to obey God's rules. Smart love is revolutionary; its object is God and others, never self. Smart love is sincere, God focused love that is concerned for others. Dumb love, on the other hand, is self-centered and flirtatious.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is not just about sexual purity; it scrutinizes the whole course of friendship, courtship, romance, engagement and marriage. Harris argues that dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily commitment; tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship; often mistakes a physical relationship for love; often isolates a couple from other vital relationships; in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future; can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness; and creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

...We must stop abusing the word love. Our meaning is far below God's, yet it is His blessing we want and his best we pursue. Understanding what God calls love is our first step. "Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives." Man's view of love contains several notions that are contrary to God's, and should therefore be contrary to the way we pursue love, especially love in the deepest and most intimate of human relationships. We must reject the philosophy of love that holds comfort of self as its chief and, reduces love to a mere feeling, and believes that love is beyond control. According to God's Word: love seeks first the good of others, must not be measured by feelings, and is capable of being controlled responsibly.

If a young man or lady is not prepared to seriously consider a lifelong commitment, he is better off to avoid monopolizing another person's affections and isolating himself from other valuable friendships. Why not rather enjoy the season of singleness as a gift from God? After all, singleness brings opportunities in life that may never come around again.

There is a lot more that could be said about this book, but hopefully you get the idea.

Ocean

Yesterday as we walked along the beach, Noah and Lydia raced along the waters edge. When an approaching wave would roll ashore, they would race back to safety, only to run back down as the water regressed again. Noah, at 15 months, was unsure about the ocean altogether, but he was easily distracted by the sand and shells. He'd forget about the water and run toward the ocean, which was alarming because one wave would easily knock him down and under. Lydia, almost 4, was definitely aware of the danger and was afraid of "getting drownded," yet she still ventured toward the ocean confident she could outrun the potential danger.
Sometimes we as Christians are like my Noah. We are distracted by the world and get entangled in sin before we realize it. We are not looking toward the danger at all, and are completely blindsided by a wave.
Other times we are more like my Lydia. We realize the danger of sin, but still we inch closer, confident in our own abilities to run back when we need to. We see the wave coming, and intend to flee, but we have gotten too close and are in too deep before we realize it.
In both cases, the waves of sin knock us down and hold us as though we have forgotten how to swim....or more importantly, how to call out to our lifeguard!

Unbridled Tongue

"I consider looseness with words no less of a defect than looseness of the bowels." John Calvin

It is unfortunate that we are not as troubled by our own loose words as we are by loose bowels! What about chronic looseness of words!?
I am troubled by my own lack of control over my tongue sometimes. A curt, sharp response, sarcasm, a tone that conveys annoyance and impatience, idle talk about someones unfortunate circumstances or latest predicament. The list goes on and on. I recently read something that stung me a bit...what about when we gossip with the pretense of a "prayer request?" Ouch. (IE. Did you hear about so-and-so....yep, she did do that...and her husband, well he just.... yes, her children aren't even....we do need to pray for them.) What was the purpose? To genuinely request prayer or to tell the story? God knows the motive of our hearts, even when we may not completely realize our own intentions (The heart is more deceitful than anything else
and desperately sick—who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9)

God, help me to seek to seek to encourage, build up, love, and respect with every word I say. Guard my tongue!

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.

Proverbs 20:19 A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.

Matthew 12:36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of
judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only
what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it
may benefit those who listen.

James 3

Faith of a child

Sometimes I find myself questioning and doubting instead of trusting in faithfulness. Funny how God can show you a clear example of obedience in a simple, unexpected way.
My 3 year old, Lydia, & her (identical) twin cousins had been playing all afternoon. While outside, one cousin, Kaylee, ran over her own toes with a wagon, resulting in a scrape, a little blood and some dramatic tears. Back inside, I was in the kitchen preparing them all drinks while they sat in the living room. I heard Lydia say, "Kaylee, do you want me to pray for your toes? Dear Lord, please help both of Kaylee's toes ...wait, you are Kaylee, right? Ok, In Jesus' name. Amen. Now tomorrow, when you wake up they won't even hurt anymore because I prayed and God heard me. Even though He's in heaven." That evening I talked to her about praying for her cousin. Her reply was so simple and matter of fact..."God hears us pray."
Proverbs 3:5-6 is a common passage of Scripture. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths."
I pray that God will help me as I seek to trust Him more, relying not on personal opinion or worldly advice. I pray that He will be on my mind throughout the day and I will turn my heart constantly toward my Savior. God give me the faith and trust of a child.